Broken or Beautiful

Is it broken?
Is broken beautiful?

The story goes as,

A Long time ago in the Muromachi period of Japan. Ashikaga Yoshimitsu a shogun of Japan; broke a bowl he got from China. Being immensely in love with the bowl he sent it for repair to the country. But was horrified to look at the condition in which the bowl came back. It was put together with metal clamps, giving it a hideous look. Still not ready to give up on the bowl. He gave it to the artisans of Japan to find a better way to join the broken pieces. He wanted to keep its aesthetics alive. And as the artisans succeeded in doing their work right, the concept of kintsugi was born.

Kintsugi- The art of repairing with gold.

Kin = golden

 Tsugi = joinery

Thus, the art of repairing broken ceramics with gold was born. And if we as human beings tend to look at it closely, we also see that it’s a metaphor for life. About finding beauty in the old rustic or the slightly torn. Maybe those flaws are no longer flaws if they grew up to be filled in gold. Will it be right to say that it is about creating something more beautiful than was initially lost?

It may mean different things to different people 

  • For some, it may mean repairing the damage.
  • Or Understanding the non-permanent state of this world.
  • For some it is minimalism.
  • For a few it may mean, a pause.
  • Or just embracing the flaws.

It can also mean a personal touch

Everything has a story and every story gives meaning to that thing at a deeper level. Maybe you don’t want to discard that torn dress because your mother gifted it to you. Yes, it has a story and a very beautiful one. It can’t be just discarded by the imperfections on the surface. So, the philosophy emphasises on preserving the story rather than erasing it.

Embrace what comes with the imperfect

It may also mean that the imperfect is better. Just like ageing in beautiful. Yes, a person is growing old but they are also growing wiser.
There is a certain beauty in the face that is wrinkled and eyes that have seen it all. So many things come with the imperfect. The book you just read has folded pages in it. But those folded pages mean you are a book wiser now.

Repair requires transformation

One more thing to see here is that everything looks different after repair because every repair is unique it will be as per the cracks on that ceramic. Similarly, when humans repair their damages, each human will have to fill in their own cracks. And every crack will be different. The gold one pours in can take any direction depending upon the direction of the crack. Yes, we all heal differently because we all were broken different.

It’s still not easy to sum up this concept. Maybe, nothing is actually ever broken, or we can say everything is destined to be broken. It’s just about what you choose to fix those cracks with.
And you can always choose to fill those cracks with gold!

Advice to My Younger Self

Advice to My Younger Self

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I think I need some advice today. But then, I feel I don’t have anyone to look up to for that. Yet I feel I have learned a lot from my past. So, my younger self needs to look up to me today for advice. But then she can’t because I can’t go back in the past 😊. Oh, the ironies of life.

Still I will jot down some points that I have learned in my journey and I think I need to remember for my journey ahead.

Who knows a few years from now I will come back to this page and look for the advice my younger self gave to her younger self?

Maybe the advice will still stay valid.

Maybe not.

Who knows?


Don’t be afraid to take decisions.

Even if something goes wrong,

remember bad decisions are part of a good life.


Don’t take people for their face value.

Don’t decide too soon.


Even if you are scared.

Do it anyway.


Don’t be afraid to feel what you feel is right.

Even if it doesn’t feel right to those around you.


vo suufī kā qaul ho yā panDit kā gyaan,

jitnī biite aap par utnā hī sach maan.

Nida Fazli


Write a lot even if it’s not going to be published

It’s for you first then anyone else.


Think less.

Overthinking will only make things worse.


Take care of your health

You have to live in your body till the time you are here.

How can you be careless?


When a friend decides to unfriend you,

don’t try to change their decision.

This can do more harm than good.

I am not talking about social media; I am talking about real life.


If someone for no reason started being mean to you.

Ignoring you, giving you silent treatment, belittling you.

Trust me you are better off without them.

Yes, even if they are your closest pals.


If something or someone doesn’t feel right.

They are not right.


Don’t explain yourself to others.

If you think there’s someone whom you have to explain often.

Run away, they will make your life hell.


If someone tells you that they love you.

But that can’t be seen in their actions.

They don’t love you, accept it.


If you see those red flags in your date.

Leave them there itself.

Don’t even think of another date,

phone call, Instagram like etc.


Don’t give them so many chances.

Those chances can be dangerous

once they have betrayed you, they can do that again.



Be kind.

But don’t forget yourself too.

You are as important to the world.

What Fascinates me about the Sea

What Fascinates me about the Sea​

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Look at the sea, from every direction it looks stupendous. Maybe that’s why I am fascinated by it. It’s the biggest thing I can think of, or is it the depth that attracts me? I think it’s those colours that mesmerise me. Or the waves which show up and leave, just to return to the shore. Maybe it’s that sand on the shore, those fine particles of time!

While sitting at the shore with sand in my hand, all I can feel is the softness of those grains leaving my fingers.

Inch by inch, 

bit by bit.

Grain by grain,

second by second; while I just sit there in all the stillness.

As if it tells me how we tend to lose time so quickly and swiftly.

Yes, it represents the life which has nothing else but quietness to itself, nothing but those hues of the sun which is about to set. Those hues sort of replicate the hues of the sea. Then I think it’s the depth around me that fascinate me. The depth of two oceans, one above and one in front. Both in the prime of their beauty, admiring each other. Changing their hues in contrast with the other. Just like a perfect romance. A clandestine one.

No one can even think that the things at two separate shores of the world can have such symphony. Both at the extreme ends but depths of both unknown. Maybe they meet at a place. Yes, there must be a point where the depths coincide.

Yet, the depths remain unknown. Do they have an end or the end lies at the beginning of the other? The sea that is so beautiful, who knows how many secretes it hides?

Then what about the waves, they come and leave and come back? Is it those waves that are the element of my fascination? Who tells them to come back? Who tells them to leave at the first place? Are they playing music which only the sea can listen to? 

Isn’t the sea just replicating the music of life where the waves come and go; while the sand leaves our hand and all we do is just be distracted by the hues of the oceans, both in front and above?  

Is it even new anymore

No, I am not talking about the new year. I am talking about what we call the “new normal.” In late 2019 we started using this word for everything around us. Everything was new, yet everything was normal. We took it as normal because we realised, this “new” was important to save our life. But is it even “new” anymore or has it become just the “normal?”

As 2020 came up in its full swing things changed, things changed drastically. And with that our conversations too changed. We all started talking about how many times do we need to wash a particular thing to protect us from the virus. We wanted to know when will the virus go back. We were keen on protecting our families from this invisible enemy. Our shopping carts started flowing with sanitisers, soaps, masks, health foods and so much more.

Old and New

Do you remember what the “old normal” was like? It is there in our memories. It is there in front of our eyes, like a lucid dream. It was just… normal without any conditions. From the past two years we have been trying to get back to it.

Then came the vaccine and we got hope that the “old normal” will be back. But the vaccine created another “normal.” Do you Remember before 2019, what our conversations were like? They were something like, “we are tired after our vacation?” Now, all we started saying was, “we are tired after our vaccination.” Yes, vaccination replaced so many aspects of our life. We started posing selfies with the hashtag “#fullyvaccinated.” Yes, all this became the “new normal.” And we kept on embracing it in the hope that we will get the “old normal” back.

We had hopes that the new year will bring in luck. But late 2021 came with a new variant of this villain called corona. So again, the question is, is this “normal” even “new” anymore?

I wish the new year brings the “old normal” for us and not just the “normal” this virus has created. We are hopeful that this too shall pass. Wishing you a happy and safe new year. “Mask up and use sanitiser.” I know you remember this mask and use sanitiser script by heart now. After all it’s become the “new normal” to end our conversations with this sentence.

Happy New Year friends. Let’s hope for the “old normal” to be back soon.

Healing- what it is not

If you have ever been damaged, you might have wanted to walk on to the path of healing. You know it by now that healing doesn’t mean just becoming functional as per the society. It is about feeling healed from inside, to have a life that feels fulfilling to the self.

So, does healing mean you will be happy for no reason? Does it mean you will forget all the trauma of your life? The point of healing is not to forget the past but to understand that whatever happened in the past is true. And still moving ahead with life.

What it won’t look like

Healing won’t look like losing weight or chopping off your hair. You won’t want to run around being happy for no reason. There will be no music in the background. And you won’t suddenly develop a singing talent and start singing on top of your voice. Maybe people close to you won’t even notice it initially. You may not feel happier but certainly you will feel lighter. Yes, you will know from inside when the weight will be lifted. Even if it will be just a bit of it.

You won’t get any super powers, that life won’t be able to affect you negatively again. Life may knock you down from time to time. And you will have to take care of your emotional self every time it does so. Because that’s how it is. It is life and it never promises a bump less ride. Even after you feel healed. Even after you feel that you have done all the hard work. Life may come back with its demons and you will have to work on it. Yes, healing will be a lot of work but don’t worry, it will be worth it. And you will know that, once your emotional self will start smiling.

Wish you all the best for your healing journey.
And yes, Happy Holidays

You need to give time to your healing
Healing takes time. May be a very long time. When parts of you will start healing it may feel overwhelming. You will need to take rest whenever it feels exhausting. Don’t worry by resting for a day or two, your healing won’t go back. It’s a process and it will keep going at its own pace. You will know if you are at the right track, even with the discomfort. Don’t worry your gut will know it.
It won’t be a linear process. One day you will feel like smiling and the next day you may feel anxious. It’s OK. Its normal. Remember there will be triggers, even on the days you least expected. Don’t forget that you have decided to keep moving on your journey towards healing. And you need to take out time to take care of your emotional self.
It’s not a luxury. If you were ever damaged, you know it’s a necessity. It’s a necessity to take care of your emotional being. It’s a necessity to love your inner child. It’s a necessity to be a parent to your inner child. Yes, it’s a necessity.     

Stop Greif Shaming

Long-time back, when I watched the movie “Kal Ho Na Ho,” Preity Zinta was often told by Shahrukh Khan to smile. He reasoned it out by telling her that whatever she had may seem less to her, but to someone else it will seem like abundance. Why do we as a society have to grief shame the people who are not at the bright stage of their lives? I get, it was in good intention but the thing is, personal sorrow is not a calculation. It is not about who has more or less. It’s just an emotion and we all have our own ways to deal with it.

Last month my friend’s mother died. When I called him, he said that people have told him to try to come out of his mourning. This friend kept on saying that he is trying to be happy but is not able to. But the point is, “why did everyone give him a feeling that he can just think himself out of the pain?”

Happiness is within you. Is it?

Back in college when I was going through a difficult time in my life. A friend explained me that you don’t need a reason to be happy. Happiness is within you, she said. Just smile. Stand in front of the mirror and say, “I am happy” ten times. This was the talisman given by my friend to end my distress.

But why will someone think that we don’t need a reason to be happy? When, grief actually came with a reason. How is it, that happiness won’t need a reason to come into our lives? I remember desperately trying to cheer myself up at that time. In my quest to end my anguish, I remember attending a talk on happiness where the speaker kept on quoting, “happiness is a decision.” I understand maybe in normal circumstances if there is a day you are feeling blue for no reason, these talks may work. But when you are mourning a loss, you can’t just decide to be happy. It’s just not possible. Why do we forget that grieving is important? It helps us release the pent-up emotions.

Fake positivity
In no way I mean that sadness or grief is the ultimate emotion. I just mean you have to be real to yourself. We all are different and can mourn our losses in our own ways. It’s not a competition, not even something to be proud of. It’s just as it is. It is grief. Since childhood we are taught to run after shiny objects. Our parents never wanted us to be friends with the kid who flunked classes. This went on till the extent that we even want our emotions to be shining all the time.

We have so much of pressure to be cheerful that the society makes us sad about feeling sad. Isn’t it like losing your sleep for the reason of why you can’t sleep? Can this thought process ever help? How you process a certain emotion is on you. It’s ok if you don’t feel like saying phrases like “whatever happens, happens for the best” or “everything happens for a reason.” Who knows what is the reason? We just know that things happen and we can’t do anything about them. That’s life.

Fake positivity can do more harm than good. If not checked it can take different forms like- anger, anxiety, physical pain, regret and much more.

The Talk
Everyone is different. Not everyone will understand your emotions. There are people who can’t digest your pain. Their anguish is always ten-times more than yours. If you have a stomach ache they have had stomach cancer in the past. And they will want you to feel bad about feeling sad for such a trivial thing in your life. You don’t have to convince them that you are feeling a sense of loss. Remember if you need to prove your agony to someone better not talk to them at all. The talk about grief is not about whose loss is bigger or whose loss is real.

Even well-meaning friends can say things like, they will like you to smile. Or its time to come out of the sorrow. But there is no right or wrong time for a mourning to end. We need to understand that sorrow can have a space in our life even after years of an incident. Yes, it’s important to talk about your anguish. But remember, it’s entirely up to you if you want to talk to someone or not. You can always decide not to talk to a friend if you think she/he won’t be able to understand it. You need to analyse carefully, with whom you can talk safely.

One thing to be noted here is that talking about your grief should not lead to an argument, a conclusion, a solution or even a competition. Yes, it won’t lead to a solution but it shouldn’t lead to an argument as well.

The subconscious knows it all
Recognise the fact that even if you convince yourself out of your sadness, your subconscious remembers it. Our subconscious creates so many things around us. I remember watching a show on hoarding on the YouTube channel, “Only Human.” The doctors in the show said that people who have not been able to feel their loss, may develop unhealthy habits like hoarding, compulsive shopping and other compulsive disorders. There were those in the show who were not aware of the reason for their habits. All they knew was they couldn’t stop the destructive behaviour. And once their trauma was acknowledged it did help them to bring in change to their life.

I am not saying that you need to watch that show or everything the show says is correct. I just want to say that the feeling of loss is as important to feel as the feeling of accomplishment.

Every day people wake up with sorrow and tend to brush it off as they attend to their daily chores. As a result, it can’t just disappear, it takes different forms. It can make the person numb, where a person has trained themselves to numb the emotions so much that they don’t feel it. They had been disappointed by their feelings so much that they tend to cover them up. You won’t know who they are. They are among us; they smile because they were told that the feeling of grief is a failure. That sadness means they did something wrong. They may be your friend, your neighbour. In fact, that person maybe you.

Coming to terms with heartache won’t mean that you will just forget your loss. Or that you will become so happy that you will say, “it’s good that it happened.” It’s just that accepting your grief will help you come to terms with yourself. In a culture of, how to wake up positive? How to be happy? How to let go? How to get over it? Can we accept that grief is not about getting over it? It is just about getting on with it.

I am not a licensed medical professional or a grief councillor. Whatever I wrote here is based on my personal experience. If you think these ideas are not right, you can just disagree and keep surfing the net.


Did we know

Shall we say art is in our subconscious and no one knows when will it be activated in the form of a finished piece. As one may not find it while looking at the fire flies but in their lazy afternoon naps. One may not find it on a Friday evening but while being stuck in a traffic jam on a Monday morning.

So, is art there in the happiness of a new relationship or in the pain of an old one. Is it there when one is able to create art at a spur of a moment or when one plans a piece and puts in hours to complete it?

I guess one will never really know. But then, why do we even want to know?
Oops, so much of ranting about nothing.

May be you found art in this mindless ranting. More art than you could find at your last vacation or maybe not. Who knows?  Lol

Things come back when they are least expected. At times they come in small fragments, at times all at once.

But why will they come back when they had already left? Is it possible that they never left? If these things never left, where were these till now?

Maybe they were always in front of us. Hiding in the hours of the days we hated, in the anxiety that was too difficult for us to accept. Or they were there at the other side of the doors we refused to open, in the life we were too scared to look up to.

May be they were always there. Just that we didn’t know.
Or maybe, we always did know.

Did we????

My Mailbox and Life

That day when I was checking my emails, I had an epiphany. I realised that my mailbox is so much like my life. When I say it’s like my life, I don’t mean the general stuff like you can know about a person by looking at their emails. What I mean to say here is something much deeper.

I realise that on a regular day my mailbox reminds me of the mundane things of life. Things like paying my bills, setting up my emails, my to do list and much more. It also helps me with important stuff like informing me when my bank account gets debited, schedules my business meetings and much more. So, I can say it does pretty much everything.
In a way it complements my life. But when I look at it profoundly, I realise that it’s not just about what I see at the surface. But my mailbox is actually a metaphor for life. Let me tell you why I feel so.

Everything looks good at the surface, just like life

Somehow, everything looks so good at the surface. It segregates the mails as primary, spam and promotions. When it tells me, “This message is a potential spam,” it is a spam.

Based on my past correspondence, it also marks a certain client’s emails as “important.” I wonder how does the mailbox know that she is the client who has been consistent with timely payments. You can see, like life it looks perfect at the surface. Everything is in control. Something I can even boast about on Instagram.

It creates confusion, just like life

At times it creates confusion. Just when everything looks neat, an important email lands up in my spam folder. For no apparent reason it is unable to segregate such a basic thing. And what makes it worse is that I trust my email provider so much that I don’t even look for the email in the spam folder.

And yes, the opposite also happens, Sammy995 who wants to send me a million dollars, lands in my primary inbox. Off course a million dollars are important but I also know Sammy in America will not like to send me so much of money. You see it misses such a basic thing. But then, it happens in life too. Everything is fine and one fine day with just a trivial thing, we get disturbed.  We miss an important thing just because we never cared to look for it in another place.

The choices I have to make, just like life

The choice that we all have to make even if the email lands up in a different category. “The choice to delete it or give into that million-dollar dream.”

So, then comes the time when I have to make the decision, no matter where the email lands. I need to trust myself. As only I know what’s spam and what’s not, better than any algorithms. In a way like we always know better for ourselves, than the free advice we get from all directions. Isn’t it so much like the voices which try to push us to do a certain thing? The things we know are not right for us. Isn’t all this so similar.

And one more thing that is so similar for my mailbox and life is when it tells me. “You don’t have enough space left, delete the clutter or pay for it.”

Yes, it warns me about the things which I choose to fill my space with. If I don’t choose to delete the clutter, I may have to pay for it later.

 What do you think, is it like life or I am just overthinking? Do let me know in the comments.

Art and Money

Is creating art for money some kind of a madness?
Even if you say, it is.
I will say there’s method to this madness.
Some people say, don’t ask for money for your art.
Some say it’s your passion, how can you charge for it?
Some say, you can’t sell it because art is not even a mainstream career.
Some say, art won’t be pure if you sell it.
Why so negative?
But why will selling my art make it impure. Don’t you think that consuming art without paying for it, is what is actually impure? If people are ready to pay for everything they consume, then why not art?

If someone wants to have a painting in their drawing room doesn’t it make sense, that they pay for it. If they have to listen to a particular singer should they not pay for it. Well, they pay for it when they want to have a piece of furniture in their living room. They also pay for it when they buy something as basic as a mosquito repellent.
Similarly, every piece of art has a value to itself.
If people won’t pay for that value, they might feel they did not do anything to earn it. These should be the only impure feelings; if any, associated with art. Selling art is not impure in any way.
Art is like any other profession
It needs effort.
It needs time.
It needs commitment.
It needs hard work.
Yes, art is a full-time job. Just like any other profession. Its outcome is also consumed by people like any other profession’s. And is in no means inferior to any business or job. Is there any doctor or engineer who has never consumed art in their life? Every profession needs the other, so we need to respect art as much as we respect the other professions.
To all the artists out there you don’t need to feel guilty to sell your art.

Finding Art

Do you know where it is? Or where it isn’t. It’s complicated as one doesn’t know where will they find art or where will art find them.

Yes, one may not find it at the waterfalls but in something as mundane as the tap water. Strange, right? I have not been able to solve this mystery either.

So where does inspiration lie?
Where does art lie?
Do we find art or does art find us?

These questions often boggle me.

That day someone told me that art finds you because not everyone has a creative talent. I get it, but being someone in the creative profession. I often have to look for inspiration. So, this theory that art finds you can’t be completely true. Because there is a certain amount of effort put into finding it.

People often say, that you made your hobby as your career. What work related stress can you even have? Again, this is not true. Yes, I love my work but there are still days when I feel a burnout, when I badly want to take a break. There are also days when I am not able to write anything in spite of staring at the screen for hours.

See choosing a career is like selecting a life partner. And it has its own challenges. Look at it this way, even if you go for a love marriage you will still have to work on your relationship. A marriage is still a marriage and it can have its own ups and downs. In the same way a profession is a profession. Even though someone chose it out of love. It still has those long working hours, those deadlines, those challenges that come up out of nowhere.

Yes, I agree art is interesting.  But it doesn’t mean that it doesn’t require effort. So, this brings us back to the same questions.





























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